Okay, when I said I was only watching two shows...I lied. I'm actually also watching the Maria-sama ga Miteru and the My-Otome OAVs.

I'm all over the My-Otome Zwei OAVs because they are AWESOME.

Arika could take Strike Freedom one-on-one, straight up.

I was hooked right from the start of the first My-Otome Zwei OAV because it was essentially Stratos 4 except with magikal girls. The planet is all like, "Oh shit, giant asteroid inbound!" And the Comet Blaster Otome are all like, "FOX ONE!" And then they're like, "Oh shit, it dodged!" [P.S. SPOILERS.] And Meteor Sweeper Otome Mikaze Arika is all like, "Fuck you, asteroid, I'll punch you in the face—in the FACE!" Yeah, that RULED.

Arika has had a little nanomachine work done.

Speaking of Arika, she's a lot more likable now as slightly older, somewhat more mature, substantially more developed, confident Arika. Plus I think it's kinda funny that her new MATERIALISE ZWEI ULTIMATE special power is the ability to turn into her mom.

Mom-mode Arika.

Speaking of which, mom-type Arika really would have been a better My-Otome protagonist than ant-type Arika.

Chie and Haruka.

God, I love Sunrise. And I love what they've done with the My-Otome Zwei OAVs. Let's consider what we have here:

• There's a lot more physical comedy. For example, we have Sara Gallagher spit takes, giant hammer jokes, and we have Tomoe kicking her purported boyfriend off the top of a van, with a dumbfounded otomedience following his off-screen career with their wide eyes. I don't think the physical comedy in the My-HiME series has ever been as good as it is in the second Zwei OAV.
• And then we have Chie hat-punching a hijacker up-side the head. How can you not enjoy Chie hat-punching people upside the head?
• I also like Arika much better now in the Zwei OAVs compared to the regular Otome series. Her spunky "Do Your Best, Deshou" attitude is kinda endearing, now. Also, I like how she transforms into her mom when she powers up.
• We're all curious as to whether or not Nina and Akane still have their Otome powers, I'm sure, but I guarantee you that they're still strangers to the magical de-powering protein, alas. There's no way these two are just going to sit out all future Otomescapades powerless. I herein cite the Lacus Clause.
• Speaking of which, I hope Anime Jesus Kira Yamato really does get nightly visits from the Ghost of Flay and her occasional astral hand jobs in Gundam SEED III. That entirely platonic relationship he has with Empress Lacus is beyond ridiculous now.
• Almost as bad is Meyrin walking two paces behind Athrun on their dates. Maybe in SEED III she will Tonya Harding him in the knee so he'll have to spend most of the season with his arm around her shoulder for support again. Could happen.
• And then they'll squeeze Meyrin into a Buster machine as an excuse to make Fumiko Orikasa holler, "PHYSICAL CANCELLER ZENKAI! EXOTIC MANEUVER!" Hey, it could happen.

Nao and Nina.

The third chapter of the My-Otome Zwei OAV mini-series features Nao and Nina re-establishing their mentor/student relationship. Tweaking the character a bit, Nao in the My-Otome universe is an older, more emotionally stable version of her My-HiME counterpart. The original Nao is an extremely precocious middle school call girl with some severe emotional problems. The older Otome version keeps her street smarts, but benefits from a mature coolness absent in the HiME Nao. These changes work better for Nao's character, and enhance her role as Nina's Marimite-esque onee-sama substantially.

Would you believe, Marimite and the Last Crusade?

The onee-sama role suits Nao so well, in fact, that My-Otome Zwei part three makes me wonder why they didn't do more with Big Sister roles in the My-Otome series. The show establishes that younger characters are assigned older Otome to teach them the ropes and whatnot, but the influence and bond they have are far below that of Maria-sama ga Miteru levels.

Nina is having a bad day.

Ignoring those ties was a big mistake. The Nina/Nao chemistry works so well in the OAV's third episode that I wish we could have seen more of it during the series. Nao's friendly teasing and earnest mentoring coupled with Nina's respectful deference and sheepish lamentations invoke some of the best parts of Maria-sama ga Miteru and successfully integrate them into the My-Otome universe, where they should have existed all along.

A really bad day.

In fact, in some moments, Nao and Nina's affection for each other surpass the Marimite relationships because, as we all know, Nina is definitely not a lesbian. For that reason, Nina's understated admiration seems more genuine. Maybe I'm just saying that because, even after three season of Marimite, I still suspect Yumi is setting herself up for multiple phallus-driven epiphanies. Nevertheless, I'll go so far as to say that the Nina/Nao moments in My-Otome Zwei channel what Sunrise should have used for the Athrun/Shinn bits in Gundam SEED Destiny.

Lift with your legs, not with your back, sweetie.

I never got around writing a proper entry regarding the fourth episode of the My-Otome Zwei OAV. In a nutshell, it makes no sense, but I don't care because it's AWESOME.

If you'd like to initiate the Surrogate System...press ONE.
If you'd like to load a Silver Cartridge...press TWO.
If you need to report your best friend for feeling you up in your sleep...
...please stay on the line.

Really, if you're expecting more from My-Otome beyond magikal girls kicking the Bejeezus out of each other...err, a common enemy, you're asking too much from this franchise. My-Otome is about giant swords, lots of hollering, scandalous couplings, and getting aced square in the face, okay.

Slap Sisters is the new Blood Brothers.

The most meaningful thing My-Otome Zwei does is elevate Nina to the coveted position of My-Otome Best Girl. Bear in mind this is a series that includes Chie hat-punching deadbeats, Mashiro and mom-sized Arika slapping the shit out of each other, and Nao demonstrating why she's the best onee-sama at the academy. Then again, it also has Natsuki (the My-HiME Best Girl) spending most of the mini-series yakking on the phone, which is kind of a shame, but Zwei wisely pares down the character count to avoid diluting the story too much.

Nina with her hair down is basically Claes in Megane Mode.

"Story," I says, but sheepishly. I admit I didn't follow My-Otome Zwei for the gripping plot. I watched it for "MATERIALISE!" and the old gunfighter (read: teenage girl) coming out of retirement to take names—and because if I keep hyping it up maybe Kajiura Yuki really will write a three-hour My-HiME opera. A fan can dream.

Arika's mom.

To my surprise, My-Otome 0~S.ifr has a coherent plot. I was expecting it to be pure eye candy like My-Otome Zwei, featuring Arika's mom thrashing random deadbeats. Instead, the first two episodes make an honest effort at reconciling the HiME and Otome series—bridging the gap by explaining what happened in the hundreds of years between the two shows.

Nina's mom.

I don't really miss any of the regular HiME/Otome cast yet, so I'm going to take that as a sign that the My-HiME franchise may be able to live on Gundam-style, adding new installments every so often—at least for a little while. Then again, to some extent this is probably because I feel as if I already know the 0~S.ifr characters; My-Otome already revealed what happens to them. I already like Arika's mom better than Arika, but I can't say the same for Nina's mom.

This foreplay is pretty weird, even for My-Otome.

However, I do sorely miss Kajiura Yuki's music in My-Otome 0~S.ifr. This is not to say that the new music is bad, but it does sound more conventional. It's as if the Sifr OVA has a different soul than the previous incarnations. The change hasn't critically hurt the show, but I really hope future My-HiME projects will have Kajiura Yuki compositions supporting them.

Love gets excited when she talks, okay.

Between minutes 58 to 60 in the Pretty Cure All Stars DX movie, you'll find wall-to-wall mahou shoujo beatdowns. It also starts off with Love doing that thing she does where the longer she talks, the faster and louder she gets.

Nice of you to join the fight, Peach-han.

Cure Peach also does a rather simian run for no reason, but it looks cool. Actually, it's probably to keep her enormous hair from dominating the screen entirely.

Max Heart is here to eat takoyaki and kick ass.
And they're all out of takoyaki.

The Max Heart crew doesn't save anyone's ass during these two minutes. They already bailed out all the rest of the Cures earlier in the movie. Well, not the Fresh Cures; they were too busy being incapacitated to need saving.

Cure Rouge, Cure Aqua, and Cure Mint need to learn to spread out more.

I lied. Shiny Luminous totally bails out Cure Rouge, Cure Aqua, and Cure Mint from the Yes! Pretty Cure 5 Go Go! team.

A signature move of the original Cures.

You'll also find that signature wall-stick move of the original Cures with all the flips. I'm still pissed they eliminated and then retconned out Cure Black's superfluous flip after she sticks, just so you know.

Cure Aqua gets to attack without reciting extended incantations.

You'll also find a lot of beam spamming by the Yes! Pretty Cure 5 Go Go! team. At least they get to whip that shit out in real time during the movie.

Your flying attacks are unsynchronized, rookies. UNSAT. Try it again.

The Fresh Cures also finally get into the act after spending most of the movie imprisoned in the La Brea Tar Pits.

Never mind. Cure Black and Cure White have got this.

The Pretty Cure All Stars DX movie didn't do too much with the experienced Cures overshadowing the newer Cures, but it's there. There is one extended sequence when the Fresh Cures see all the other Cures in battle costumes for the first time. Appropriately, the rookie Cures are completely awestruck.

Airborne Cure, Airborne Cure, where have you been?

Taking me completely by surprise, the two most telegenic of all Cure attacks in the movie belong to my least favorite Cures. Easily taking the top spot is the high altitude synchronized drop the much maligned Splash Star Cures execute just to show off. I might have to reconsider the possibility that what I originally assumed to be blatant ripoffs of the original duo are, in fact, actually re-imagined imitators in the flattery-type vein. Too soon to be an homage, but perhaps embodying the same spirit. I might have to watch Splash Star after all.

That's not lemonade.

Probably the second-best looking attack is the one where Cure Lemonade Spider-Mans the dog shit out of the Big Bad. I didn't know she had it in her. And there you go. Two solid minutes of hard core wall-to-wall ass kickings in a 70-minute movie that's 90 percent ass kickings anyway.

Milky Rose is a one-shot wonder.

Oh, I forgot to add that Milky Rose's big contribution to this fight is also really showy. I'm not entirely sure what to make of Milky Rose. She's actually one of the annoying mascots just transformed into a human dekochin ojousama form. My initial impression is she must think she's better than the other familiars. Why wasn't she at that meeting with the rest of the mascots? Even Coco and Nuts were there. Too good for staff huddles, eh?

If you all know each other, why didn't your Cures ever team up before?

To be fair, being at that staff meeting would drive me insane too. ALL the Pretty Cure mascots in one place at one time yammering back and forth at each other? Uh, no thanks. I will take your free rainbow flashlight, though.

Cure Rouge gets loose.

So what about the other 68 minutes of the Pretty Cure All Stars DX movie? Not bad, but pity it couldn't have been longer. I guess you can't really have a kids movie run too long, but were little girls even the movie's real target audience? I'm thinking that's the demographic that went to the theaters, but most of the movie is heavy on the fight scenes, even for Precure.

The sky is falling, Cures. And, uh, you too.

I noticed similarities in the Pretty Cure All Stars DX movie to the climatic battles in My-Otome to tell you the truth, but All Stars DX outperforms My-Otome in mahou shoujo beat downs by a mile. These girls make the welkin ring.

Does this count as fan service? I know there's an armpit
fetish. How about the back of the knee?

Overall, Pretty Cure All Stars DX is Pretty Satisfying. It hits about all the notes you might reasonably expect, including making the Max Heart and Splash Star Cures more capable than the Yes! Pretty Cure 5 Go Go! sentai team and the almost ineffectual rookie Fresh trio. All Stars DX obviously takes place early in the Fresh timeline—before they could dance, even. If there's another All Stars movie (and I'm betting there will be, as long as Precure remains a cash cow), I wonder how the inclusion of Cure Passion will change up this dynamic?

Hanasaki Kaoruko, Tsubomi's grandmother.

If you've been following Heartcatch Precure! you'll know "Cure Grandma," Tsubomi's old nana, was a Cure back in the day known as Cure Flower. After her final battle with Dune (not the version with Sting), she's mostly been slumming around town and taking care of plants in her greenhouse.

We were totally cheated out of a transformation sequence.

Surprising no one, I'm sure, they finally found an excuse to drag Cure Flower out of retirement and she promptly goes all Miss Maria on us to whale on some deadbeats that Cure Blossom, Cure Marine, Cure Sunshine, and Cure Moonlight weren't able to handle on their own because there were only four of them. (Maybe they were suffering from too much Christmas Cake.)

Arika's mom kinda doesn't fight fair.

Cure Grandma's rheumatism prevents her from breaking out her flashiest attacks, but she does pull a page from the Book of MILF Beat Downs by copying and pasting some Lena Sayers attacks before returning to her gardening.

Zetsubou no Flower Carnival

Really, though, Cure Flower's appearance raises more questions than it answers. Does this make her a viable All Stars DX candidate? (We saw her riding the pine along with Cure Sunshine and Cure Moonlight in DX2.) What happened to her partner? (Cures don't work alone.) And why does her mascot transform into a ninja? That seems really unfair. Unfortunately, there will probably be some handwaving, and aside from a token reappearance before the end of the season, I suspect that will be the last we see of this old gunfighter.

Top-Tier Shiho

Wake Up, Girls! I-1 Club Shiho.

Great Shiho

The iDOLM@STER: Million Live! Shiho.

Good Shiho

My-Otome Shiho.

Bad Shiho

My-HiME Shiho.

Know your Shihoes. The life you save could be your own!