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20 February 2015: War is all Hell, even on a healing anime such as Aldnoah.Zero

Slaine
Slaine's pistol in episode 13 looks the same as
the one Asseylum waves around in the first OP.

Guess what's about to hit the fan on Aldnoah.Zero. Go on, guess. The rest of this entry contains substantial spoilers for both seasons of Aldnoah.Zero and quite a bit of speculation as well. If you're not prepared, avert your eyes, etc.

There is no way in Hell things are going to go well for Slaine now. He's actually had a decent run of success, but he's in way over his head. His biggest problem is that the show still doesn't portray him as the lead protagonist. With Cyborg-Zombie-Vampire-Mecha-Pilot-Forward-Observer Inaho solidly in that role, Slaine is doomed to return to his usual role as the Aldnoah.Zero whipping boy (yeah, literally, eh). I've quipped before that we know Inaho will prevail because he's the most Japanese boy in the show, but I'm pretty sure there's actual truth to this. By surviving season one, it effectively guarantees he's also going to survive season two, and likely end up with Not-Quite-Dead-Blonde-Haired-Amazingly-Aerodynamic-Martian-Princess Asseylum instead of Sucks-To-Be-You Inko. This increases the likelihood that Slaine will end up in a ditch somewhere as the tragic hero who probably dies for some dumbass reason like sacrificing himself to save Inaho's life after a last-minute change of heart, or getting shot in the neck by a would-be love interest over a tragic misunderstanding.

Asseylum
Who are you going to believe, sweetie, me or your lyin' eyes?

I can just about guarantee Asseylum and Slaine will not meet up again until the very end of the show—probably right before she shoots Slaine in the neck over a tragic misunderstanding. There's no way in Hell they'll meet in the upcoming episode after Asseylum presumably wakes up from her nap in the refrigerator. Slaine will probably be down on Earth doing some dumb crap with Asseylum's half-sister, Lemrina, and then Assey will be kidnapped and/or rescued by either Terran forces or some random group of butt-clowns, thus ensuring Slaine and Asseylum will not be able to get together for a tearful reunion followed by a whole lot of explaining on Slaine's part and definitely not followed by a whole lot of massages to work out the horrible stiffness that must surely develop after spending a year-and-a-half in a Bacta tank. A year-and-a-half is a long time, okay.

Face it. Slaine has a lot of explaining to do. I don't have any idea why he seems to think this marriage thing to Lemrinasseylum isn't going to end in disaster. Unless it's some dumb scheme Lemrina thought up on her own and Slaine spent last episode's epilogue spitting up his coffee off-screen. It's not easy being a fuck-up, even when things actually seem to go right for a while.


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