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Dated 10 May 2011: Do well in the Pretty Cure minor leagues and maybe you'll make it to The Show

Erika and Tsubomi
Erika and Tsubomi spray on some clothes.

I figured out why I have low opinions of Cure Blossom and Cure Rhythm: No game faces. When a Cure goes through her transformation sequence, she gets a battle costume upgrade and some fancy charm points. But in most cases, the transformation doesn't just change a Cure's appearance; it also changes her personality, or at least her demeanor. This didn't happen with Cure Blossom in Heartcatch Precure! and it doesn't really happen with Cure Rhythm in Suite Pretty Cure now.

Cure Black and Cure White
"Go ahead, make our day."

Contrast this with, for example, Cure Black and Cure White who announce with authority their readiness to whoop some ass, both during their transformations and while powering up their finishing attacks. Yukana going off about Pretty Cure's "beautiful souls" is basically the best smack talk in all of anime.

Cure White
Cure White gets pissed.

Honoka is a sweet kid, but Cure White will boot you upside the head if you annoy her. Cure Rouge from the Yes! Precure 5 crew yammers on about her purity a little too much, which admittedly is not an especially effective threat, but her soliloquy does signal some serious beat downs on the way that would be out of character for Rin.

Cure Black, Cure Dream, and Cure Bloom
These are some pretty smug-looking veteran Cures.

Even a complete ditz like Nozomi knows the score. When she's transformed into Cure Dream, it's Game On. Hell, Cure Dream doesn't just have a game face, she has a freakin' War Face.

Cure Dream
I recommend backing the Hell away from Cure Dream. She's psycho.

When Cure Dream announces a finishing move, you know someone is about to get fucked hard core:

[Puts her hands in front.]
"PRETTY CURE"
[Dramatic pause.]
"SHOOTING STAR!"
[Unleashes searing energy beam.]
[Obliterates target by ramming it face first.]

Cure Dream doesn't play.

Cure Sunshine
Cure Sunshine
"I get to transform into a GIRL!" [Turns hair blond.]

This kind of thing didn't happen so much in Heartcatch Precure! and doesn't occur often in Suite Precure either. I can't take Cure Sunshine as seriously because she is all smiles during her transformation sequence. I'd have my doubts about the whole crew were it not for Erika's willingness to sucker-punch people in the face while she's transformed as Cure Marine.

Kanade
Kanade falls on her cake. Did I say cake? I meant ass.

However, Cure Rhythm is basically just Kanade in a white dress instead of an apron. Hell, I bet her battle costume even smells like cake.

Cure Black, Cure Bright, Shiny Luminous, Cure Windy, and Cure White
Cure fire team in wedge formation.

Even Shiny Luminous has a game face. Shiny Freaking Luminous! Shiny Freaking-Thirteen-Year-Old-Girl-with-Zero-Offensive-Abilities-Not-Really-a-Cure Luminous. Good bluffer, though.

Cure Muse and Cure Rhythm
"Cure Muse, Cure Muse, how do I work this thing?" [Points berthier belltier at own face.]

13 episodes down and none of the singsong goons take the local Pretty Cure team seriously. Given that Cure Rhythm and Cure Melody keep getting bailed out by a free agent Cure, it's no wonder even the scrub bad guys feel confident screwing with these rookie Cures. Yeah, go ahead and try that weak shit on Cure Egret, Bassdrum. She'll jack you up.

Cure Pine
Even Cure Pine had a game face. CURE PINE.

Maybe I'm just being impatient. It took Buki a while to get going too. But feel free to tear that apron off anytime, Kanade.

Dated 22 July 2011: There are too many mahou shoujo in Pretty Cure All Stars DX3

Cure Black, Shiny Luminous, Cure Mint, Cure White, and Cure Rouge
Here we go again.

If the first Pretty Cure All Stars Deluxe movie was the home run derby, and Pretty Cure All Stars DX2 the all star game, then Pretty Cure All Stars DX3 is the benches-clearing brawl. There are simply too many Cures (and Not Cures) for one movie. 21 by Nozomi's reckoning, which is surprisingly accurate, given that Nozomi only has 10 fingers. (Three Max Heart characters, two Splash Star characters, six Yes! characters, four Fresh characters, four Heartcatch characters, and two Suite characters. This total excludes Kaoru and Michiru (who appear, but get shafted from the movie once again, relegated to gawking from the peanut gallery with Bunbee), Cure Flower (who also has a cameo), and the Suite Precure characters Cure Muse, Cure Beat, and Cure [SPOILERS] who had not been introduced yet when the movie was released.

Cure Rouge, Cure Moonlight, and Milky Rose
One of these is not like the others.

As a result of this massive cast list, All Stars DX3 is not as good as the previous two Pretty Cure All Stars movies. Most people seem to like the first movie the best. I'm not sure if I do or not, but I do believe DX2 had a better narrative. Despite only being 70 minutes in length like the two previous movies, DX3 seemed too long even though it split a lot of this time switching among four separate settings.

Cure Rhythm and Cure Egret
Get Cure Egret to show you how to stick a landing
before the next movie, Cure Rhythm.

Dividing the Cures up into teams was a good (and necessary) idea, but not entirely effective. Really, what Toei should have done—and what it needs to do if Toei intends to make more All Stars movies in the future—is select a small handful of characters for the movie and focus exclusively on them. Whether this means All Stars DX4 (Pretty Cure Team Up 1?) will feature only the Splash Star and Fresh Cures, for example, or possibly only feature the "leader" main character Cures, I can't say, but it would make for a better movie despite the risk of disappointing fans of the omitted Cures who may have to wait who-knows-how-long before they get their turn. The team-up idea is basically what DX3 does by dividing the characters into multiple camps, but by making time for all of them it really made time for none of them.

Cure Dream
Guess what happens to people who don't get
out of Cure Dream's way. Go on. Guess.

Probably the greatest casualty of this megas crowded movie is, unlike the two previous installments, I am unable to identify the most telegenic attack. At least there is no clear winner. If pressed, I'd have to nominate either the scene where Cure Dream does that thing where two people exchange blows while leaping past each other and the winner refuses to turn around until the loser falls, or the one where she plows through a giant pile of grunt suits, with an honorable mention for the MARBLE SCREW MAX that Cure Black and Cure White execute while in midair. Speaking of which, I noticed the Cures that are able to fly conveniently forgot about this ability when it would have quickly resolved their predicaments. Eh, wouldn't be the first time.

Dated 1 January 2012: 2011's Girl of the Year

Miki and Producer
Consolation prize.

Choosing the Girl of the Year for 2011 shows how views held at the mid-year mark can change months later even without much additional information. As you may recall, the initial front runner was Homura from Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica, with Charles and Ran looking to place and to show. However, after another six months of deliberation, I think I may need to reconsider my choices.

Cure Marine
Cure Marine is proof All Stars hazing works.

Going through my initial recommendations, Erika from Heartcatch Precure! does even better in light of how uninspiring the entire cast of Suite Precure♪ has been. Nearly all the Suite Precure♪ characters are all right. (Not Cure Muse. Cure Muse is straight-up terrible.) However, they are so underdeveloped. Even Buki and Miki from Fresh Pretty Cure have more personality than the Suite cast. And the Suite Cures all seem to make such terrible choices. Not that Erika was a sound voice of reason in Heartcatch, but Erika at least had a lot more verve than any of the current crop of Cures, so the things she did were almost always entertaining, even when they were ill conceived. Nevertheless, while Erika certainly makes the Suite cast look bad, it's not enough to win her Girl of the Year.

Minami
My copy of Management is twice as thick.

As far as I can tell, Moshidora was wildly unpopular, but I thought it was pretty good. It's rare for a show to get better with every episode. I might be looking at this through baseball goggles (they're like instrument goggles, okay), but Minami from Moshidora easily deserves a Girl of the Year nomination. She doesn't have enough to win, but you can't expect someone to go to the Koshien and win Girl of the Year in the same year, can you? Nobody is that good. Oh, wait. Aoba from Cross Game did that just last year.

Hana and Sasha
Go on, Hana, curse the bitch out.

Hana carried the second season of Seikon no Qwaser through its early lacklustre episodes. Carried it in her ass. [P.S. SPOILERS.]

Charles
Who are you going to believe, sweetheart? Me or your lyin' eyes?

Early in the year, it really seemed as if Charles from IS: Infinite Stratos had a legitimate change of winning. I suppose she did, but as I mentioned with regard to the OVA, the end of the series basically threw away everything that made Charles great. Instead, she just became another blushing simpleton in Ichika's harem. How things would have been different if she had been absent from the series' final scene! It could have played out otherwise unchanged, but for a brief cut away to Charles sitting quietly in her room, reading one of those books Ichika keeps around for show, maybe looking up curiously to ask, "What is that racket outside?" Alas, somewhere along the way the writers forgot what made her great. Charles doesn't win.

Makoto, Kotori, Chihaya, Ritsuko, Takane, Yukiho, Haruka, Producer, Hibiki, Ami, Miki, Mami, Azusa, Iori, and Yayoi
Say, do we have any cake?

Based on how much I like The Idolm@ster TV, you might expect one of the 765 girls to win this year. The truth is, I'm not even sure who to nominate. Idolm@ster relies very much on its ensemble cast, and as much as I like most of the girls individually, I like them collectively more. So, the first ever group nomination goes out to Chihaya, Miki, Takane, Ritsuko, Haruka, Mami, Makoto, Iori, Hibiki, Ami, Azusa, Yayoi, Kotori, and Yukiho. They don't win, though. I'm not ready.

Eiko
It's a good year for horn hair.

Even though I'm still not entirely sure squids are eligible to win Girl of the Year, Ika Musume managed a nomination last year for being pretty much non-stop awesome. Unfortunately, the second season of Ika Musume spent a lot of time, well, treading water for the most part. In fact, I'm inclined to think the Best Girl in Ika Musume II isn't even the title character. Eiko has been a solid straight man throughout the series, perhaps because she doesn't rely on having some broadly painted quirk to define her. Of course, now that I think about it, Eiko's role doesn't even necessarily require a female character. Eiko could have been a teenage boy, and the only real change to the show would be perhaps not having Ika Musume sleep in the same bedroom. Nobody from Shinryaku!? Ika Musume gets a nomination, by the way. Not this year.

Homura and Charlotte
Hey, there's more cake over at Suite Precure♪.

If you've been paying attention, you've already figured out the heavily armed witch killer Homura does not win this year. There were two obstacles in her way. First, Homura is handicapped by my general dislike of SHAFT and Shinbo and the sophomoric fans they attract. Second, Homura's defining characteristic—or at least the one working most in her favor—is her indefatigable dedication. It's admirable, but even Homura can learn a thing or two about tireless devotion from this year's winner: Ran.

Ran
Believe it, baby.

Long-suffering Mouri Ran is 2011's Girl of the Year. Ran has always been good enough to win every year, but a relatively weak field for 2011 coupled with an especially good year for Ran puts her over the top. Ran's peculiar similarities to Homura also helped seal the win. I say "long-suffering," but not very much actual in-show time has passed for Ran. Like Homura, Ran is essentially trapped in time, doomed to absorb hundreds of failures, surrounded by death, and never achieving the peace she seeks with the one she loves.

Ran
Lifetime Achievement Award.

For over six hundred episodes and more than a dozen movies, poor Ran hasn't been able to catch a break, but thankfully, there was some progress in 2011. This year, Detective Conan was at least kind enough to offer her the Valentine's Day arc, the White Day arc, and very compelling London arc, all of which which combine satisfyingly in ways unexpected for a show as generally static as Detective Conan. Congratulations, Ran, 2011's Girl of the Year.