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4 September 2017: It's Google Sheets' fault I did not blog about Kuromukuro

I wanted to like Kuromukuro. It didn't work out.

Spreadsheets killed anime blogging. At least that's my excuse for not even having a Kuromukuro category until now. I wanted to like this show, but it turned out to be too irritating to watch. I mostly bitched about it on the IRC and probably also the Twitter when it aired in spring 2016. (I dropped it before the second cours began summer 2016.) Anyway, here is a tardy, low-effort collection of gripes for y'all to skim over.

It's your fault those dudes are dead, just so you know.

I was interested in this because it was a P.A. Works anniversary jobbie, because it had giant robots punching things, and Ueda Reina was in it. It sounded good in theory.

  • These people are really bad at air defense.
  • This girl has really shitty survival instincts.
  • It irritates me when anime characters have no survival instincts at all. Also that escape was so contrived. I get that they needed for him to escape, but GOD DAMN IT, LADY.
  • Take 30 seconds to explain to the dude what era this is, sheesh.
  • There are way too many fish-out-of-water scenes. This shit is going on way too long. Just fucking explaining it. Why isn't anyone just talking to him?
  • Really, the U.S. would have seized it, not the U.N. Ha ha. The U. fuckin' N.
  • Your fucking force protection is terrible.
  • Falling while running cliche.
  • Seriously, this show is irritating.
  • Hey, it's the special rock.
  • You can't do that in a HMMWV. They're too slow.
  • Seriously, the mom sucks.
  • So he didn't believe ANYTHING except the SPECIAL ROCK. I guess nobody actually tried explaining anything to him.
  • So many contrivances in this show.
  • It's funny because she's too embarrassed to say samurai panties.
  • But of course he's going to her school.
  • I hate it when gunships fly super close so the enemy can smush them. Attack from a mile away, sheesh.
  • My favorite part was when the idiots taking cell phone pictures instead of taking cover died.
  • These are some boring swordfights even if they involve giant robots.
  • They arm-barred a robot?!
  • Okay, so those guys are dead, right?
  • People die when they are killed!
  • Oh no, swimsuits. If only they were in burqas. This wouldn't be as bad without the "funny" background music.
  • This shitty teacher and her stupid misunderstandings. Act like a fucking adult.
  • So much (male) tsundere bullshit.
  • Suddenly, SEELE.
  • Shitty mom realizes she's a shitty mom for the first time. Then she forgets.
  • Yukina goes missing for REASONS and...this is dumb. Oh, I guess this dude is her dad. We can tell because she recognized his watch immediately despite her concussion and how many years has it been?
  • What did that guy do with the horse?
  • Oh, and those two dorks aren't dead.
  • Hooray for Yukina's oddly specific knowledge of geology.
  • Writing is hard, so we can't be bothered to come up a non-stupid way for this guy to escape. Be sure to invent some idiotic reason for Yukina to get kidnapped AGAIN.
  • On the other hand, it is sort of cute the way the show pretends the United Nations isn't fucking useless.
  • Dropped. This is too irritating to watch. Every single person in the show with the exception of the villain (who dies) is completely incompetent and does fuck all. Yukina being the helpless princess who needs to be rescued couldn't be more annoying. She straight-up was going to let those people die instead of shouting, "He's got a gun!" or something. Not even making a token effort to escape. Why didn't you run like Hell when your samurai savior was fighting that dude? Why did the security guard run away instead of shooting that guy on sight? Why wasn't a base-wide alarm sounded last episode? Why does your force protection measure involve looking at random security cameras hoping to follow a trail of dead bodies? I get this is supposed to be the U.N., but even the U.N. is not this incompetent. Who gives a shit about that dude wanting to be a pilot? Why can't the other pilots do anything but stall to burn up screen time until the plot decides it's time for Ken to do something? Why does he have PTSD after stabbing that guy? You didn't even kill him. Didn't you kill a bunch of people in the war hundreds of years ago? P.A. Works, I am very disappointed in you.

Well, other people seem to like this show, though. Maybe listen to them instead.

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