Version 5.4 ~ Haruhi gave rock and roll to you.

20 May 2016: At least there aren't any icebergs in Haifuri

Why aren't you on the bridge?

Nova addressed this in his indictment of Misaki's incompetence through five episodes of Haifuri (High School Fleet). I'm happy to pile on because she didn't fare any better in episode six. Misaki has absolutely no business being captain of her little boat and really just needs to throw herself overboard to save everyone else the trouble.

Mei, Akeno, Mashiro, and Rin
Go on, Mashiro. Curse the bitch out.

It's clear her actions are intended to ingratiate the character with the viewer by showing how hard she is struggling with her capital-F Feelings. Unfortunately, this crap actually works on a lot of anime fans—enough to make Miyafuji from Strike Witches a popular character—enough that I've seen people on the Twitter criticize one of the only sane girls in this asylum for being "mean" to Misaki.

Kouko and Wilhelmina
More scenes with these two, please.

Haifuri is a transparent attempt to hopefully replicate the GIRLS und PANZER phenomenon without understanding what made GIRLS und PANZER popular and successful. Oh, and Kantai Collection is popular too, right? Let's just put girls on boats and provide fantastic excuses to use World War II-era warships. It can't fail! It must have sounded convincing enough when conveyed as PowerPoint bullet points—enough to get the JSDF on board, at least.

It turns out there was more to GIRLS und PANZER than girls and tanks. Who knew?

But GIRLS und PANZER from the beginning operated within a fundamentally different framework. It was a sports anime with a tournament in front of it. Moreover, Miho's initial reluctance had nothing to do with her competence. In fact, as her commitment and enthusiasm grew, her brilliance only shone brighter—well beyond the levels required for her particular idiom. Haifuri, on the other hand, is decidedly not a sports anime. It should have real stakes (okay, not really, but we're supposed to pretend), but waves away anything inconvenient as the putatively overarching plot sails around. Alas, Misaki has none of Miho's talents, instincts, leadership, or drive, but I guess she doesn't need it if the show is going to ensure there are no consequences to her doing fuck all.

It's true. Mashiro is unlucky as all Hell.

I rather hope that Haifuri is hiding a second bit of misdirection (the first was legitimately good) and we'll eventually learn either Mashiro or Wilhelmina Braunschweig Ingenohl Friedeburg is the real lead. Unfortunately, with six episodes down and no indication Misaki is going to go away or be of any use to anyone, I'm afraid fair winds and following seas are far away.

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